I think the first paragraph could be more concise and clear, there seems to be a lot going on. It is obvious that the introductory paragraph contains a lot of interesting information and perspectives, but I think it could be made more captivating to the reader. Also perhaps it would benefit from some background information on the artifact, such as a quick synopsis of the play. Hayley does a really good job analyzing elements of the show and how they reflect the inferior social status of women in the post war society. I think the paragraph about the two opposite effects of the show’s romantic vision of the war could be split into two separate paragraphs. Hayley’s point that the opposite reactions reveal national division over how war should be addressed is insightful and interesting. Hayley’s piece is well written and thoughtful. She uses good evidence and quotes to support her argument. I like how Haley relates the characters of the play to American society. I think the essay could have benefited from a short, early description of the plot but overall, Hayley successfully demonstrates how the play reflects the post war society, while also proving that the show was ahead of its time and therefore was a “landmark musical.”
Just trying it out...
ReplyDeleteI think the first paragraph could be more concise and clear, there seems to be a lot going on. It is obvious that the introductory paragraph contains a lot of interesting information and perspectives, but I think it could be made more captivating to the reader. Also perhaps it would benefit from some background information on the artifact, such as a quick synopsis of the play. Hayley does a really good job analyzing elements of the show and how they reflect the inferior social status of women in the post war society. I think the paragraph about the two opposite effects of the show’s romantic vision of the war could be split into two separate paragraphs. Hayley’s point that the opposite reactions reveal national division over how war should be addressed is insightful and interesting. Hayley’s piece is well written and thoughtful. She uses good evidence and quotes to support her argument. I like how Haley relates the characters of the play to American society. I think the essay could have benefited from a short, early description of the plot but overall, Hayley successfully demonstrates how the play reflects the post war society, while also proving that the show was ahead of its time and therefore was a “landmark musical.”
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